the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
