"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
