I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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