Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
