whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
