you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
