She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
