Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
