you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
