She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
