It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
