my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
