Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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