Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
