we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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