i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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