I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
