Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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