He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
