just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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