I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
there is puke in my bra ... again
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
