the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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