In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
