I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
This toilet bowl is my home.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
