look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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