Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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