Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
