don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
