We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
