I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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