Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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