Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
