I cannot find my penis.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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