Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
