I think my fart just growled at me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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