if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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