i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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