JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
