I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
