No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
