So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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