While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
