She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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