Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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