Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
