whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
