Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
