Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
All the doctor said was why
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
