i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
