I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
