There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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