That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
