some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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