Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just high enough for therapy.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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