I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
