what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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